Is there a hidden camera on me???

Okay seriously...
I know that every position can't be everything we want in life...but this one is so strange and off that I am actually beginning to wonder if I am on some show of some sort. Is there a hidden camera somewhere near me??!!!
The interview for this position should have given me warning enough to know that it was going to be off. It was in the middle of Lenox mall at Starbucks - not the actual Starbucks, but the stand in the middle of the mall...on friday....Jan 2nd at 2:00PM. Still don't get it? How many people do you think were at the most well known mall in Atlanta on Jan 2nd in the middle of the afternoon? If you guessed THOUSANDS, you would be correct. The line for coffee was about 15 to 20 people deep so I didn't even try to get a coffee when I met her. We sat at the coffee bar thing and the entire time she interviewed me there was a little boy jabbing her in the back. It was hard to concentrate and honestly a little hard not to laugh. I was told about the office manager position and that I would be supporting my manger - the CEO and that he was demanding, a bit of a micro manager, had no family, expected his assistant to be on call 24/7 and a bit scattered. Lovely. She described all of the things I would be responsible for - I willl spare you, just basic office manager duties. Regardless of the description - I needed $ so I acted excited non the less. The interview lasted a whopping 20 minutes and then it was over. I had no read on the chick and did not think that I would be hearing back from her.
So Sunday night I get the job. I started on Tuesday. The job position was office manager/executive assistant. I'm not certain who put my sweet recruiter in the dark on this one, but the description couldn't be more inaccurate.
Long version:
The building is shaped odd so the entire office with all the cubicles and people are on one side of the building and on the other side of the building is the CEO's office, the Chief of Staff's office and my desk in front of both of them. My desk faces a blank wall as you can see from my last blog. It's a gorgeous view that is quite stimulating....lol
Becky (the interviewer and Chief of Staff) showed me the other side of the office, where the break room was, the color copier and paper, etc. and then brought me to my desk. She showed me the phone system and under a plexi glass there was the phone extension list and another sheet of paper with directions on how to use the phone system. I can promise you that if I read those directions once, never saw that system again or spoke of it, I would still be able to work it in 50 years without any problems. Let's just say it wasn't very complicated.
I am 100% addicted to caffeine. Can't get enough of it and was dying for coffee. I was informed that any time I left my desk that I had to notify Becky (whether it be to go to the bathroom or anything else) and I really didn't have a problem with that. I asked her if she would mind if I went to the break room to get a cup of coffee. She responded oddly telling me that she wasn't sure if I should go "all the way to the other side of the office....which is about 60 feet" and told me that if I wanted a cup of coffee I could use the small kitchenette that was next to the "executive side - our side" and use the k-cups that are normally for the visiting clients, etc. I didn't care WHERE I got my precious nectar of the gods, I just wanted some. After I grabbed some java I went back to my desk. She came back over and told me "well...that coffee is really only for clients so your not planning on drinking more than one cup of it are you?"......now respectfully I understand that non coffee drinking people are not aware of it's necessity however, this lady just told me that I couldn't get the coffee in the break room nor could I use the coffee in the kitchenette. I didn't want to rock the boat on my first day so I just made a mental note to drink as much diet coke and coffee as humanly possible at lunch. While sitting there admiring my view, the IT guy came over and set up my computer to have access to the phone system. Becky informed him that I would not need an emaill address or internet. It was about then that I was wondering how in the heck was I to be an OM or EA without email, but hey...let's just go with it. While sitting there in silence I was impressed at how quiet a place could be without any distracting sounds - air vent, screaming children, tv, HUMAN BEINGS, etc. I giggled and it sounded like an outside concert which made me crack up. I was beginning to wonder why the phone was rarely ringing. After looking at the extension page, I realized that I was answering phones for a company where each employee had their own direct line. I answered 15 phone calls in 8 hours. Each time the phone DID ring, Becky scooted from her office and stood behind me to make sure I transferred it correctly. Now I will be the first one to admit that I do not have a college degree, but I do believe my intelligence level is a bit more advanced than needing assistance 15 times to transfer calls. Regardless, it was what it was. A bit later she asked me to update the January birthday page. After doing that she asked me to email it to her and I explained that I couldn't because I had no email so she called the IT guy back to set up an acct for me. I told her that I was going to the other side of the office to grab the paper I printed from the color printer and she became once again hesitant about "the other side". She responded with "well...I don't know...maybe I should come with you just in case you get confused". I don't know if she meant direction-wise or how to pick up a piece of paper, but in this case I just followed her over there.
After some more wall starring, I decided that I would at least work on my organizer, which you know keeps me sane and organized. It's the size of a book - a bit smaller than a regular sized sheet of paper so it doesn't take up much room. I had it opened and was working on my calendar. Becky came back over and told me that "they really didn't want to have the desk look cluttered". The reaction was one of those movie moments where we kept starring at each other and not speaking until I slowly reached for my organizer and slowly closed it continuously starring at her still trying to figure out if she was serious since it was the only thing on my desk. She starred at me until I put it in a drawer and then went back into her office. The IT guy came back and set up my email. He asked Becky if she wanted it to read dsaid or dianesaid or what and she made that hesitant response again of well.....I don't think she should have her own email account, let's just make it execasst@blahblah. It's great to feel important.
Lunch time rolled around and having been a manager for many years previously, I was expecting Becky or Paul (the CEO) or both to take me out to lunch. Neither said a word so I went off by myself and sat in the cafe downstairs and drank as much caffeine as my body could humanly handle. Now for those of you paying attention, yes...this is the first time I've mentioned Paul. He seems extremely nice, very focused and gentle. He spends most of his time on the "other side" with his employees and then periodically comes back to his office to check his messages - that were left from people calling his direct line of course- with the door closed or every once in a while had a person in his office speaking about whatever with the door closed. My exposure of Paul was about just that as it has been since. It is my opinion that this position has absolutely nothing to do with him or what he does daily.
Knowing I had the entire afternoon to killl, I asked Becky (and Paul actually) if there was ANYTHING I could do to help them. Neither had much to give - I made 2 labels and Becky wanted me to order something from office depot. It was about that time that she realized I needed internet access as well so BACk came the IT guy and set up the internet. By this time I was punchy and bored and goofy so I started trying to make the IT guy laugh....my humor was going over like a brick. I asked him why he never smiled. He looked at me surprised and said that the office says that he is the one who smiles the most. It dawned on me that I had not seen anyone smile yet...but my exposure to employees was pretty low. It also scared the hell out of me that if this was the happiest person here....where in the heck WAS I???!!! I received a wonderful escape when a young russian guy Slava showed me where the mail room was so I could do mail from now on. That was EVERYTHING I did on my first day.
It took me almost 2 hours to get home. It took me almost 1.5 hours to get there in the morning. I arrived before my babies woke up and came home after they went to bed. I'm beginning to wonder if this is going to work out......
Day 2 - Phone calls received 12 in 8 hours. typed out 1 label in 8 hours. I stopped at Starbucks BEFORE arriving to work so I was good to go on the coffee. I also brought 2 diet cokes from home. I asked Becky where the water cooler was and again she gave me the hesitant response about going to the "other side" where the breakroom is and mentioned the tap water sink in the kitchenette used for clients. I waited until lunch and drove home to grab 5 more diet cokes. Afternoon - more starring at the blank wall. About 5:00PM rolled around and she asked me if I could do a job description for a Fixed Income Analyst. I told her sure and asked her if she had a company requirement regarding the job, which she didn't. I asked her if I could talk to the head of the department that the analyst would work in and she explained that it was on the other side and she didn't think he was there right now. I then asked her if the company had to set up an internal open requisition before posting it externally. She had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. I then asked her if she was the HR manager and she said yes. SO I asked her if she needed to make sure all of the employees were aware of the position so they could apply for it before it was displayed to the public. Her response was that she didn't really think there was a person in the company suitable for the position. It was around then that I realized that she had no idea what she was doing and the things she DID know how to do - like answer a phone and transfer it - she micromanaged the heck out of. I began to wonder HOW she became Chief of Staff. Now I'm not going to say anything with certainty, but I will write that our CEO is very attractive and single and Becky is very very pretty. I will leave it at that. Here is a picture of me smiling.....so far the only smile in the office!!!!! Hasta until tomorrow or until I find the hidden camera.